When you people are in contact with each other sometimes there are situations that might ruin the good tone. Although it is necessary to keep up the good manners in the presence of colleagues, friends or business associates, people react differently to irritations and sometimes the problems can become deeper and result in constant frictions. Here are a few tips on how to react when this happens so that the argument can be solved in a delicate manner while dealing with situational anxiety.
First of all, when dealing with situational anxiety, you should face the fact that everyone has a moment when they are not feeling in their best shape, both physically and psychologically. These are the times when people are most irritable and susceptible to being provoked. If frictions occur in such moment and there is no discussion but throwing plain accusations, this further irritates the other. That is why it is best to accept the fact that maybe now is not the right time to discuss whatsoever and it is better to wait for a better moment. This doesn't mean that you back up from solving the problem, but you give space to your partner to think twice before saying something that might hurt both of you. Words are like a stone being thrown – it cannot be taken back. So sometimes no discussion is a better solution than continuously annoy each other.
A second way to react when frictions or situational anxiety occur is just keep quiet for a while until the other person makes his or her point (no matter how unreasonable it may sound) so that the steam is let off. So when your opponent is finished it is your moment to make a statement so that you can draw other conclusions on the problem – the right ones. Usually when a person is aggravated, thinking clearly is not a strong point. So if you manage to convince the other party that maybe the truth is somewhere in between, you will make it sound that both of you are right and a little bit wrong.
The third tip in fiery situations is to leave the room when you see that it is not possible to calm down your partner. In this case it will be more diplomatic to leave the place where you are for an hour or two. For example you can always find an excuse that there is something left undone and you should take care of it. During that time the irritated person will have time to calm down and consider that not having anyone to shout at makes them look ridiculous if they do. So until you come back, the tension will be eased and then you can sit down and talk in a calm manner. No discussion is not an option because people are viable to creating their own reality about things and nourish it constantly. If frictions occur with someone that you work with or have common interests, it is not wise to ruin a good co-operation just because you act childish.
We are all happy when we have someone to share our common interest with. It is always nice to rely on someone to talk to, to share your experience of the day, to laugh at will, to be intimate with. When it comes to business, it is vital to have good and reliable colleagues and business partners. But people are not dolls, they are individuals and every person has a personal point of view and a specific character. It is inevitable that frictions may occur which is quite normal. But what matters the most is how we handle them.
People have a very powerful asset – the memory bank. You remember the good moments, they act like an inspiration when times are hard. But we also save some space for the bad situations when we had quarrels and misunderstandings. Unfortunately, when we are in the middle of a heated argument, we automatically expose the negative side of the memory bank. Instead of remembering the positive moments in the relationship, we begin to dig skeletons out of the closet and throw accusations. Whether it concerns a business deal that went sour or a friendship that is beginning to wear off, is always something that one of you can pick up a fight for. This is a very wrong approach, not to mention that it leads to a dead end street. When there are frictions among people, the first thing to do is dig into the memory bank and pick up the first good memory that comes in hand. You can always mention it in a way that you try to impose a positive criticism and doesn't cause any situational anxiety.
People make mistakes but that doesn’t erase their good achievements. Do not go bring up past mistakes. What’s done, is done, you cannot change it. If you feel the urge to discuss something from the past, put it in a way that you didn’t have the chance to explain why something upset you so much. Do not throw accusations. Most probably the details of something that happened a long time ago are faded, and you will not be able to reconstruct the whole setting. If the problem concerns business – it is in the best interest of people to unite their forces and overcome the problem together. If it is a personal relationship (friends or romance) – do not make it bitter. So when frictions occur, talk about your concerns and do your best to hear and listen to what the other party has to say. If you never forget the past, this will result in disease or other problem, because there is nothing you can do to turn back the time.
When people are friends or are in a business relationship it is very important to be able to manage all kinds of situations, especially during times of situational anxiety. One should not expect that everything will go smoothly – no matter whether it is a personal contact or money involved. People are different and with time these differences tend to stand out especially in critical situations. When frictions begin to occur, there is a risk that everything might fall apart. How to handle situational anxiety?
The key to smoothing frictions between people is to carefully discuss everything. Shouting and accusing each other will not lead to any results, it is necessary to sit down and clearly discuss the situation in order to determine where the problem comes from. After all being aggressive in words doesn't convince the opposite person that you are right, on the contrary, only aggravation is created. When you see that someone is in a bad mood and is nagging, do not answer back in the same way. Be positive and tell them that sharing what the problem is will be more constructive for solving it. You can also use a trick by saying “If I did something to irritate you, I am sorry, it was not on purpose, but let us discuss it.” Even if this is not the case, taking the blame on yourself (even if it is fake) works like a vent – somehow you take off the pressure of the situation. Whether it concerns a friendship or a business relation, it is important to be diplomatic. Especially when there is so much to lose, it is no use to risk it with frictions that are blown out of proportions. This is the moment to carefully discuss what brought this irritation and anger.
Sometimes frictions occur between people because of something one of them said or did. In this case do not be afraid to say that you are sorry. If it is your fault, admit it. This doesn't put you in an unfavorable position, on the contrary, it shows that you are a mature person ready to take responsibility for your actions and words. Anyone can lose their temper, but how you handle the situation afterwards is what counts. Again when you are open to carefully discuss everything that preceded the heat of the moment, you will always be able to solve the problem in a diplomatic manner. Being able to talk about problems and not hiding behind them is the factor that leads to healthy relationships. This is valid both for romantic relations, friendship or business.
Managing situational anxiety starts with understanding its triggers and adopting effective coping strategies. By recognizing your triggers and implementing mindfulness techniques, you can regain control and reduce the impact of anxiety on your daily life.
Ready to take the first step towards managing your situational anxiety? Contact us at +1 (626) 571-1234 for a free initial consultation. Our team is here to support you on your journey to better mental health.
© Copyright 2013 Michael Lam, M.D. All Rights Reserved.
